It's not a negotiation if the other party loses...

How do you know when you are in a negotiation? I attended a half day seminar last Tuesday on "Negotiation In the Workplace", presented by Michael T. Colatrella & Tony Picchioni, Ph.D. I was comforted to hear that negotiation is something that can be mastered with knowledge and practice. For some people, though, this was a gift you naturally inherited. For others, this was picked up when you were younger, negotiating with your parents for a later curfew. I contribute mine to the latter. However, what I thought was negotiation really just turned out to be getting my way. So, how does one know they are in a negotiation? The three points to a negotiation were the first thing Tony Picchioini discussed in the seminar. A negotiation is 1) a form of persuasive communication 2) mastering the question of conflict (conflict management, not resolution) and 3) decision making. In any negotiation, the important thing for the parties involved is to uncover the interest of the other side. There is no better way to achieve this than by asking questions and asking even more questions! You can never ask too many questions, and you never know enough about the problem. Hell, since you're there, you might as well get all your issues on the table. Instead of focusing on just one issue, which will usually end in a win/lose for both parties, focus on many so that there is more room for negotiation. Sometimes, there will be tension between the two parties. This happens when the competitive tactics used by one party leaves the cooperative party feeling too vulnerable, thus losing all trust and the ability to communicate. This tension that exists between the two parties is called The Negotiation Dilemma. If you do not establish trust with one another, then the ability to communicate will be limited and difficult. You must separate the person from the problem! In doing that very thing, you get to the core of the issues. Everything else is simply interest based. Break down your wall in order to find the cooperative person that lies within that competitive person. By making a concession, you have communicated your goals by building trust within each other and effectively managed your negotiation with the other party. Otherwise, you are still the same teenager just trying to get your way. And honestly, that's not the kind of person anyone will want to work for. So, grow up. These books were recommended as excellent reading material if you want to learn more about negotiating: G. Richard Shell, Bargaining For Advantage (1999) Linda Babcock & Sara Laschever, Woman Don't Ask (2003)