Dear iPhone. Don't get me wrong. You've stuck with me through some sketchy times, a trusty sidekick, a sage sherpa. That's why this is so difficult. When we first met you had it all: a bright display, curves in all the right places, and wow did you last for hours. People lined up around the block when you showed up on the scene. You were loved. But lets face it. These days you look more like a prop from the set of Mad Max1 than the game-changing beauty of yesteryear. Sure, I've been rough on you. Guilty. And yes, I know the years haven't exactly been kind to me either. Thanks for pointing that out. Again. But we're not talking about me here. You're slow. Of course in some contexts2 I like the idea of focusing on the task at hand, one thing at a time, "be here now" etc. But really. REALLY. Uni-tasking? is that even a word?3 Your keyboard... cuss! Sure, at first it was cute that you corrected me when I miffed a word or two. But wow. Those occasions when I hit send before I read what you thought I meant to say. Shice. These days we can't even leave the house for a weekend trip without lugging along your charger. Your recessed headphone jack, I will never forget. Naught more than a ploy to sell ill fitting proprietary adapters4. You don't work in the city. And don't get me started on your family5. Ok that might be a little under the belt, but seriously. No tethering? No MMS? Three years I've put up with their nonsense. Your dad is crazy6. No more for me. No thanks. Sure my eye's been wandering. Can you blame me? I'm embarrassed to be seen with you in public. With the new Droid Incredible and the EVO 4G on the market you're not exactly haute couture. Maybe I expected too much? Anyway. Goodbye. Love, Dave 1 Beyond Thunderdome 2 removing debris from the eye, sex, multitasking, etc. 3 nope! 4 Well played. 5 Sigh. 6 but thanks for bringing the black turtleneck back Steve.